RECESSION DIARY

WALKING IN THE RECESSION: WINNERS AND LOSERS
Most Nigerians awoke this morning with greater respect for their shoes. For with the benefit of hindsight, many did not know that those who walked for Buhari following his electoral victory in 2015 were only the harbingers of doom as we will now walk because of Buhari in 2016 and beyond.
Indeed one must invest in good durable shoes in these trying times as the ghost of another fuel price increase is being conjured by Government mediums. Already transport fares are at an all time high while filling one's tank is as painful as a woman in labour, the only way out is to walk in this recession.
And as the heavy rains destroy the last vestigeal remains of our dilapidated roads who have suffered from lack of proper maintenance, walking is now the safest alternative than braving the deathtraps of Nigerian Roads.
And as the Police grows even more hungry and desperate as the recession bites harder the few lucky motorists who are not blessed with Government Green number plates must "roger" the men in black who have returned enmasse to the streets like never before. Indeed hunger is a more compelling force than any order from above to dismantle these money making road blocks. Hence walking once more is the only passport to escape the clutches of police and their road blocks or Road Safety and their arm-twisting tendencies.
Furthermore the collapse of Aero and First Nation Airlines along with Cheaventon Chartered Helicopter Services further compounds the situation. Hence as the recession bites harder it is safe to say that most commercial airlines are on life support. As the FOREX crisis traumatises the industry the once booming airline industry is limping like a plane with one functional engine preparing to crash land. Thus one needs to re-examine those shoes for therein lies the salvation for its only a matter of time if the situation persists when many a Nigerian will be trekking to Aso Rock to ask the man on the hill "how far?". By then all the commercial airlines in Nigeria would have collapsed thus only the Super rich with their private jets and the Presidential fleet shall dominate the skies of civil aviation.

As the majority of Nigerians plot how to put on their walking shoes and trek to avoid paying through the nose to get from one place to another the list of winners in this recession is clear to see.

This is the best of times to be a Government appointee or official. Free house. Free fuel from the Government fuel dump that never runs dry. Even if others are not paid or earn half pay of course the oga at the top will not short change his humble self. How will the business of Governance continue when the men at the helm are suffering like the masses? That is unthinkable. No wonder a certain Femi Adesina can boast Nigerians are not suffering when the only thing not done for him on Government ticket is brush his teeth and wipe his bottom after using the toilet for he is spoonfed on the commonwealth hence is oblivious to the pains of the recession. Indeed these are the Greatest Winners. To them recession is just a word for the food on their table has neither changed in quantity or quality since this new word has been introduced to the nation's psyche.
The second and last group of winners are currency speculators. As they sing and dance to the Ludacris hit song "How low can you go?" they continue to push the Naira towards the ground and into the grave. Overnight these speculators have raked in millions as the Forex crisis has fueled the greatest run on the Naira in living memory. Those with stashes of dollars under their bed are smiling widely like Chestershire cats as these fat cats are now set to buy premium property at rock bottom prices as the recession bites harder.

The losers remain the Nigerian people who are told to once again tighten their belts despite having no more holes to spare. 5 million jobs have gone in 6 months. Banks, industries and airlines have declared mass redundancies. University staff and Doctors are subsisting on slashed or incomplete salaries. Most States can hardly pay salaries. Impoverished youths are now embracing crime enmasse with an unprecedent rise in kidnappings akin to a crime spree. IDPs are starving to death in a country blessed with a host of natural resources. The suicide rates are up as frustration has driven many to take their own life. Even worse is the rise in the rape of underaged girls as horny men can't afford prostitutes to let off their sexual frustrations.
Indeed it is an unsavoury welcome to the recession one must pronounce.
And this is just the beginning as pundits have predicted that it will take 3 years to emerge from this quagmire.
I listen in trepedation as economists and Government think tanks prescribe all sorts of medicines for an ailing economy with Government vigour to implement their strategy as the chief request amongst their strategem.
"Government vigour?"
Indeed this attribute is seriously lacking in a regime that failed to see the dark clouds overhead before the rains for they prefer to cry at the skies for unleashing a downpour on our unprotected heads when the clouds became overburdened. Even now as the recession communes daily with Nigerians like a devil in the house, Government minders downplay its significance with derogatory words. 
Where art the vigour and determination when all remains business as usual?
Where art the economic stimulus package for all one sees is doom and gloom?
Sadness has engulfed the land as we all look to our shoes in remembrance of the President who said he had no shoes. Even at the height of his "stealing is not corruption" rule the nation never toyed with a recession. Hence the mistakes made by this administration makes one sore with anger at how a nation can be so mismanaged with aplomb.
Hence we thank God for our shoes as we prepare to walk in the recession praying that the Government wakes up to their responsibilities and infuse the necessary vigour into the economy to end the recession. But alas at their current pace I won't be advising anybody to cross their fingers or hold their breath.

#DrAttahEssien